When I first started dating in the gay community, I noticed a pattern that surprised me. A lot of men I met were upfront about wanting an open relationship. An open relationship is when two people are committed to each other but agree that they can also have sexual or romantic connections with others. This is different from a monogamous relationship, where two people choose to be exclusive to one another.
Some would tell me it is simply the norm. Others explained that men are naturally lustful, that sex is just sex, and that love is a separate thing altogether.
Why I Struggle With the Idea of Open Relationships
For me, love and sex are not separate. When I love someone, I want intimacy with that person to be special, something we share only with each other. So when a partner tells me they want to explore with others, it does not feel like freedom. It feels like betrayal. Even if technically, under their rules, it is not considered cheating.
This left me questioning myself. Was I too idealistic? Was there something wrong with me because I wanted exclusivity when most men I met seemed okay with openness?
It took me time to realize that nothing is wrong with me. What I want is simply different. My view of love ties intimacy and commitment together. That does not make me backward or out of touch. It just makes me honest about my needs.
Why Do Some Gay Couples Choose Open Relationships?
To be fair, open relationships are not always about disloyalty. For some couples, they work. I have met people who say it actually strengthens their bond because everything is out in the open, with no secrets. Others believe that monogamy is unrealistic, especially for men, so being open is simply a practical solution.
In some cases, it is about freedom and individuality. They see love as companionship, support, and emotional intimacy, while sex is just a physical release. For them, separating the two makes sense, and they find happiness in that arrangement.
And I respect that. If both people truly agree and feel secure in an open setup, then that is their choice.
My Personal Belief: Love and Sex Belong Together
But here is my truth. When two people love each other, sex is part of that love. It is not just a physical act, it is an expression of intimacy and trust. That is why I cannot separate love and sex.
To me, when a partner looks for intimacy outside the relationship, it is a sign that something is missing. Maybe it is warmth. Maybe it is connection. Maybe it is effort. Whatever it is, I see it as looking for something your partner should be giving you.
That is why I sometimes call open relationships “legal cheating.” I know that sounds harsh, but that is genuinely how I feel.
Finding Your Own Way
The longer I date, the more I realize this: there is no single “right” way to love. Some people thrive in open relationships. Some people, like me, want exclusivity. Both are valid. The problem only comes when people are not honest about what they truly want.
If you are like me, and you want an exclusive relationship, do not feel pressured to accept something that does not sit right with you. You are not wrong, you are not outdated, and you are not asking for too much. You are simply asking for the kind of love that feels right for you.
And the truth is, there are people out there who want the same thing. You just have to be patient enough to find them.
A Final Word
At the end of the day, relationships are not about following the “norm.” They are about finding someone whose idea of love matches yours.
For some, love means openness and freedom. For others, love means loyalty and exclusivity. Neither side is wrong, as long as both people agree.
But if you are like me, and you want one person to call your own, do not give up. The kind of love you believe in still exists. And when you find it, you will realize that staying true to yourself was worth it all along.
